General Information on Church Etiquette
The years of militant atheism in our country, which ultimately led to historical and religious amnesia, disrupted many traditions that once bound generations together, sanctifying life through fidelity to centuries-old customs, traditions, and institutions. Much of what our ancestors absorbed from childhood and later practiced naturally—rules of behavior, etiquette, decorum, and propriety shaped by Christian morality—was lost and is now being painstakingly restored piece by piece. These rules can be collectively referred to as church etiquette.
Etiquette, in general, is a set of rules governing behavior and conduct within specific social circles (e.g., courtly, diplomatic, military, or general civic etiquette). In a broader sense, it also refers to the form of behavior itself. The distinctiveness of church etiquette stems primarily from its connection to the core aspects of religious life—the reverence of God and piety.
To distinguish between piety and church etiquette, let us briefly touch upon some key principles of moral theology (based on the course “Orthodox Moral Theology” by Archimandrite Platon – Trinity-Sergius Lavra, 1994).
Human life unfolds in three spheres of existence:
- Natural
- Social
- Religious
As a being endowed with free will, man is oriented toward:
- His own existence
- Ethical relations with the surrounding world
- Religious relations with God
The fundamental principle of a person’s self-relation is honor, which defines what it means to be human. The norms guiding this principle are chastity (personal integrity and inner wholeness) and nobility (a high degree of moral and intellectual development).
The fundamental principle of a person’s relation to others is honesty, with the corresponding norms of truthfulness and sincerity.
Honor and honesty are the prerequisites and conditions for religious piety. They grant us the right to approach God with boldness, recognizing our own dignity while also seeing in others fellow travelers toward God and co-heirs of His grace.
Scripture teaches that piety should be practiced (1 Tim. 4:7) and advanced in (1 Tim. 6:11). The entire life of a believer should be dedicated to the pursuit of piety while maintaining spiritual sobriety, avoiding self-deception and the risk of false piety (James 1:26).
If piety is a vertical relationship—man’s striving toward God—then church etiquette is a horizontal relationship—man’s interaction with others. One cannot ascend to heaven without loving fellow human beings, nor can one truly love people without loving God: “If we love one another, God abides in us” (1 John 4:12), and “he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?” (1 John 4:20).
Thus, the spiritual foundations of church etiquette define all its rules, which are meant to regulate relationships among believers striving toward God.
Some may argue that etiquette is unnecessary because “God looks at the heart.” While this is true, even virtue can be offensive if accompanied by off-putting manners. Certainly, refined manners can sometimes conceal evil intentions, as human behavior can be deceptive. For instance, in a modern retelling of Christ’s trial, Pontius Pilate, while washing his hands, cynically reflects: “At least the gesture is elegant and the symbol flawless, even if the act is dishonorable. “However, the ability of some people to hide an impure heart behind sophisticated gestures does not justify the absence of proper church conduct.
Poor etiquette in church can become a stumbling block for newcomers on their path to God. We often hear complaints from newly converted believers who come to church only to be met with rudeness, condescension, hostility, and a lack of forgiveness from those who consider themselves “church-going.” How many people—especially among the youth and intellectuals—have been lost to parishes because of such treatment? When will these people return to church? And what answer will be given by those who drove them away?
A God-fearing and well-mannered person, when witnessing inappropriate behavior in others, corrects them with love and respect. A striking example is found in the life of Saint Arsenius the Great:
“The elder retained a habit from his secular life—occasionally crossing one leg over the other when sitting, which some found inappropriate for a monk. Though the brothers noticed this, none dared to correct him, as they greatly respected him. Only one elder, Abba Pimen, said to the brethren: ‘Let us go to Abba Arsenius, and I will sit as he does; then you will rebuke me, saying that I am sitting improperly. I will ask for forgiveness, and in doing so, we will also help correct the elder.’
They went and did just that. Saint Arsenius, realizing that such posture was unfitting for a monk, abandoned the habit.” (Lives of the Saints, May 8th)
Politeness, as a component of etiquette, can attract God’s grace. Courtesy is not just the art of expressing genuine respect through outward gestures but also the ability to show kindness even to those we may not personally favor. Is this hypocrisy? No. For a spiritually mature person who understands the delicate balance between external and internal dispositions, courtesy can become a tool for acquiring and cultivating humility.
A well-known ascetic once said: “Perform outward acts, and for them, the Lord will grant you inner grace, for outward actions belong to man, but inner transformation belongs to God.” By practicing external virtues, true virtue gradually takes root within us.
Bishop Benjamin (Milov) wrote:
“He who greets others first, who expresses servitude and respect to all, who always places others before himself, who endures all insults silently and strives in thought and action toward self-abasement for Christ’s sake, initially experiences many difficult moments for personal pride. But for his patient and humble observance of God’s commandment on humility, divine grace descends upon him, softening his heart toward sincere love for God and others. And his bitter struggles turn into sweet joy. Thus, through actions of love that are not yet accompanied by feelings of love, one is eventually rewarded with divine love filling the heart.”
Similarly, Saint Theophan the Recluse wrote:
“One who acts according to church tradition, as is proper, continuously learns the discipline of reverence before God, dedicating everything to Him.”
When dealing with people—whether believers or non-believers—the holy fathers advise us to fight not against the sinner, but against sin itself and to always give others a chance to repent, remembering that they may have already received God’s mercy through private repentance.
Thus, unlike secular etiquette, the rules of church conduct, being closely tied to piety, lead to the purification and transformation of the heart by divine grace, which is granted to those who labor and strive for holiness. Therefore, church etiquette should be understood not only as a set of behavioral norms meant to preserve the church community but also as a path toward Christ.
To facilitate the use of this guide, we have divided it into the following sections:
